Just writing as I feel it..

I’m jealous. I want that guy who surprises me and gives so much effort just to make the day so special and shocks me and moves me and makes me cry because of so much joy and takes my breath away like literally because I just can’t believe that he loves me that much that’s why he did all that. I want that too. I sometimes wish you have all the resources to make a grand gesture like that for a normal day. But I don’t think I’m materialistic. Or am I? I don’t know. I don’t need much. I just want to be surprised. I don’t need gifts, flowers and all that shizz. I just want to see for myself how far can you go to show me your love. Am I that self centered? I want that. I want the thought behind it. I want to see that you’ve thought of me long and hard to figure me out, to figure out what would sweep me off my feet. I want to know how you came up with this idea to shock me and make me realise how badly you want me to be happy. Is it much? I don’t know. I’m jealous of those new couples who are so in love with each other. They can’t get enough of each other. Honeymoon phase. All the sweetness, all the good things. Hyperbole. I just want it all. I’m greedy. 

sighs personal